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5EMOTIONS
Emotions are a form of 'feedback' to the person who is feeling them. They provide him with information. Being either pleasant or unpleasant aspects of his 'state of consciousness' at the time, they are also significant motivating forces.
Phases
From an elementary viewpoint, the life-cycle of a particular emotion could typically be described in the following way: In the first phase, an external situation arises about which we receive information. This is interpreted through our Values, Reasoning, Learning, Experience, Belief system, Sub-conscious 'conditioning', and innate factors that collectively make up our 'internal situation'. The outcome is an emotion or feeling. In the second phase, the emotion may lead to action. In the third phase, the action usually results in an altered situation, and thus the cycle may continue.
In the first phase, the connection is always automatic as it must be, however it may be changed by working on any of those internal factors which can be modified. For example, if we value something less our feelings will not be so intense when it is threatened. If we learn more and increase our ability to handle certain situations, they may not evoke the same emotions. Faulty or simplistic reasoning can also influence our perception of the situation at hand. The feelings are the result of our perception of the situation in relation to our values, rather than the objective situation itself.
In the second phase, the connection with action may be automatic but it does not have to remain so. In cases of domestic violence it usually is, while in skilled international diplomacy it never is. It is interesting that the more one has been trained to take the longer, broader and deeper view, the less automatic this connection tends to become.
Emotions and Health
Feelings or emotions are very strongly connected with a person's total well-being which includes the Mental, Emotional, Spiritual and the Physical aspects of life. The connections are easily demonstrated:
a) Ask someone who is 'madly in love' to concentrate on his studies. b) Try having a satisfying sexual relationship when you are disgusted with yourself. c) See the meaning in your life when you have just suffered a gross injustice. It is much more difficult. d) Ask any medically trained professional whether he can predict the likely physical condition of a person who is always angry, disappointed, jealous, suspicious or 'pissed off'.
There is no doubt, therefore, that some emotions can be harmful if they persist for any extended period. These particular emotions are usually labelled as 'negative'. Rather than get bogged down in the definition and meaning of 'negativity', I prefer to take a pragmatic view based on the long term effects of certain emotions on people's total health. Collective human experience has progressively revealed most of the emotions that tend to be debilitating, growth-inhibiting and conducive to longer-term unhappiness. A gross mistake, however, is made if one draws the conclusion that these emotions are useless. To do so is like labelling a wrecking bar as 'useless' because its only application appears to be destructive. To quote from the Scriptures, "there is a time to build and a time to tear down; a time for war and a time for peace..... and a time to every purpose."
The so-called 'negative' emotions are like sirens sounding a warning that something needs to be changed, either externally or internally. Either way, what we need to do is to work towards diminishing the feelings by rectifying whatever triggered them off, and not simply by disconnecting the alarm!
As in most other aspects of human behaviour, perversion is also possible. We may have vested interests in maintaining any aspect of our lifestyle that could eventually do us harm. Feelings of hatred, envy, anger, fear and so on, are powerful motivating forces that can energise and provide a sense of purpose in the short term and may seem more attractive than a vacuum or the less familiar 'harder' way, and they have been used by skilled manipulators and blind followers since ancient times. Their effects can, however, be insidious and unnoticed until it is too late, and often the person is ignorant of the connection long after the damage has been done.
Rectifying the Situation
The problem of undesirable feelings can be confronted by internal or external strategies:
Internally:
Externally:
Assuming that internal changes are impossible, inappropriate or inadequate, such as when there are real and reasonable grounds for fear, it may be necessary to take external action. When there is a fire in the building or a robbery is taking place, it is certainly not the time to delve into the subconscious or undertake further courses. Here, for example, the fear may be alleviated by escaping from the situation. If time and circumstances permit, a more thorough and methodical approach can be taken. This includes-
The list is by no means exhaustive and a number of these tactics may not be possible or successful in particular cases. However it is extremely unlikely that some healthy combination of internal and external approaches cannot be found that will remove the undesirable emotion. Some situations could induce strong unpleasant emotions and contribute to our growth at the same time. For example, having to fly terrifies some people but it also allows them to expand their horizons. Here the behaviour is not perverted for the person does not have a vested interest in maintaining the fear. What distinguishes these cases is that the person consciously accepts the unpleasant feeling as the price of having the other benefits he is seeking, and it becomes a rational trade-off.
'Good' Feelings
It is not often recognised that 'good' or 'positive' feelings may also warrant more critical investigation in the same ways internally and externally. In themselves they are unlikely to injure our health, but the decisions and actions they appear to reinforce might not be justified and could be harmful. Cigarette smoke in the lung may lead to a pleasantly relaxed feeling, but we know what it causes in the long term. A girl may feel loved after receiving a friendship ring from a boy she is interested in, but this feeling is no less influenced by of her values, beliefs and reasoning processes than any other emotion. If it is not based on 'truth', including a knowledge of its significance in his cultural context, then her feelings may be giving her inaccurate information that could lead her to making a fool of herself or getting hurt.
Expression and Communication
We are often encouraged by mental health professionals to express our feelings, and in as much as this highlights the harmfulness of repressing or denying them, it contains sound advice. Clearly, however, not every way of showing our emotions is socially acceptable. Likewise they advise us to communicate or 'share' our feelings with parties who have a stake in them, especially those who are close to us. This too can be beneficial, but as a policy, it is not necessarily appropriate in all circumstances, and even when it is, the timing needs to be considered. In both cases, we must remember that the feelings are speaking principally to us and in deciding to express or communicate them we have to weigh up the overall costs and benefits of doing so. It has long been recognised that controlling the expression of one's feelings is vital in positions of command, negotiation, games that involve tactical advantage and potentially volatile situations that can escalate out of control. The important thing is that we must never deceive ourselves . In this context, it is also important to distinguish between reservation and the intentional deception of other people. The latter is a serious moral issue that must be resolved by each individual in his conscience, but to go so far as to equate reservation with lying is seldom justified. We are in no way obliged to make a public open book of ourselves and we are well within our moral rights to reveal what we wish to those we trust. Even Christ was often selective in this respect and advised similar prudence. Spontaneity, whatever its benefits, is not equivalent to wisdom. |
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