In addressing this area we are not concerned with the special highly dysfunctional psychological causes or outcomes of a tendency to worry, but the practical implications of the natural human response to certain situations. Terms such as unease, anxiety and worry are often used interchangeably in everyday speech, although they could suggest increasing levels of intensity.

For worry to exist, a number of factors must come together: Sensitivity, values, threat and doubt. We must be sensitive (aware and emotionally able to react) to something important to us that we perceive is vulnerable and under threat, and we are uncertain as to whether we can prevent or remedy the potential harm.

Typical areas of worry include relationships, money debts and income, reputation, health, possessions, people and lifestyle. Each of these may involve all the factors.

Each of these factors also offers an avenue for attempting to remove or at least reduce the worry.

• People can try to desensitise themselves by a variety of means including self-talk, alcohol or distracting their awareness. Any of these can vary from harmless to destructive in the long term.
  


• The importance of the value in question can be critically examined and it is possible that a greater degree of detachment might be developed.
  


• The actual threat to this value may be more realistically assessed and any unwarranted exaggeration highlighted.
  


• Doubts regarding our ability to avert or handle the feared outcome can be reduced by enlisting support or developing strategy and skill.

Worries can be continuous, circumstantial or conditional. Continuous worries are there all the time, at least when we think about them. One example is the risk of an earthquake or a sudden failure of health. Circumstantial worries are only associated with specific situations that are sometimes unavoidable but not always present, such as having to cross a busy road. Conditional worries are associated with situations we freely choose to enter or where we have more control over the outcome that depends on our diligence, but we still have some remaining doubts as to whether we have done enough.

Sometimes the amount of worrying is multiplied by attempting to avoid rather than facing the problem and tackling it head on. This is a personal economic issue. We might hope that the problem will disappear by itself and a low level of continuous worry may be easier to tolerate than summoning the courage needed for a major confrontation.

Worry of a sufficient magnitude can lead to desperation and it is arguable that the latter is just the extreme end of the continuum. The person may become increasingly prone to irrational, immoral or criminal courses of action to try to avert the impending situation they fear so intensely. There are no easy solutions to desperation for it reaches this stage partly because the problems have been increasingly perceived as unsolvable.

Having Something to Worry About

There is a natural tendency for people to compare themselves on the basis of the perceived adversity of their circumstances. A person who is in a poor state of health or in financial trouble is seen to have more to worry about. Other factors being equal, this is reasonably valid. However, more often than not, sensitivity differs and one person may be naturally more optimistic and comfortable living closer to the edge than another. They might also have more skill and experience in handling adverse outcomes. Worry is relative to both reality and personality.

Faith, Confidence and Natural Optimism

One of the most significant factors in controlling the inclination to worry is the person’s practical belief system. This may be related to religion and all the major denominations offer useful advice. It is also to a large extent a product of experience where the more often recovery occurs or support is forthcoming, the less likely any new situation will result in the same level of worry. One cannot conjure up confidence, fake faith or pretend optimism to oneself, but these can be acquired to some degree through courage, learning and interaction with others who have them.

Harmful Effects of Worry

Worry usually involves mental preoccupation, which can have serious implications for safety, efficiency and personal relationships, and lead to sleeplessness, eating disorders and digestive difficulties. These tend to worsen the situation as they deplete our reserves that may be needed to solve the problem. They are conducive to further clouding our thinking and affect our ability to make sound decisions as we become more inclined to respond to an exaggerated sense of urgency rather than to real importance. For these reasons it can be very beneficial to discuss the problem with someone who is more detached but may offer some useful input.

Least productive of all is a tendency to worry endlessly about imagined possibilities to the point of mental and physical debilitation. It is bad enough to die as a result of real unsolvable problems, but to be killed by the ‘hypothetical’ is a real waste.

Constructive Approaches

• If you are inclined to be anxious, you may as well worry about the reality rather than some mistaken imagination. Discuss the problem situation; put it down on paper to build a comprehensive picture.
  


• Get realistic information about the probabilities. Brainstorm the options.
  


• Gather relevant facts rather than let confusion go endlessly around in your head. Uninformed worry is a pointless waste of energy when relevant information is available.
  


• Often worries can be cut down to size by considering the worst case scenario and developing a strategy to cope with it. In fact any strategy based on credible hope that gets the person involved and empowers them to make a positive contribution to the solution, is useful.
  


• Sometimes excessive anxiety is the result of the situation becoming exaggerated out of proportion to its real importance in the person’s life as a whole. It can occupy too large a focus such that they lose sight of everything else in their life that is good. Regaining the broader personal picture can take the edge off the worry.
  


• Become a warrior rather than a worrier: Welcome the challenge and try to exploit it for the maximum personal growth you can extract from it.
  


• Unless there are very good reasons to do otherwise, confront the task or situation as soon as you are properly prepared rather than procrastinate. This minimises the total anxiety time.
  


• Having made all responsible preparations, try not to think about the object of anxiety until shortly before you must confront it.

If feelings of desperation begin to set in, it is necessary to recognise the signs such as any serious contemplations of harmful irreversible actions. It is time to do the unusual as compared with our normal behaviour – but not the irrational, illegal or immoral. If we were always proud, it may be time to be more humble. If we have lived too cautiously an act of courage may be needed. If we cherished our independence and self-reliance we could begin to involve others. We might try to accept some things we have always resisted. More than anything else, it involves a change in our way of thinking and believing, and contrary to popular assumptions, we do have some power in these areas: Faith, hope and love. Faith in the form of an unwavering belief that only those things which are conducive to our development are allowed to happen to us, is extremely helpful in removing desperation from the equation. Hope consists of the willingness to act as if solutions are possible and refusing to give up. Love, meaning responsible concern and caring, is a powerful antidote to feelings of desperation both when it is received and when it is given.

Some clarification may be useful. Firstly, faith, hope and love are character traits and conscious choices, not accidents, feelings, or even the visible behaviour often associated with them. For example, while it is true that love is patient, so is a predator stalking its prey! Patience is not necessarily love. Equally, no situation is ever ’hopeless’ – only the person can be. Secondly, where there is abundant evidence, few impediments and natural compatibility, it is easy to believe, feel optimistic, and appear patient, kind and gentle. However, it is only through commitment when evidence is scarce, obstacles are more formidable and coexistence is a challenge, that faith, hope and love begin to grow and become more firmly established. Thirdly, like intelligence and wisdom, they are not directly observable or transferable from one person to another: We need to develop them within ourselves to observe the results. They involve disciplining ourselves to think forward, outward and also more deeply inward, with genuine caring rather than manipulative solution-mindedness so that we can come to terms with the true meaning and role of each problem.

Short Term Partial Relief

When a person is evidently anxious, it is pointless to tell them not to worry unless there is sufficient credibility behind the statement. There must be some convincing reasons why the worry is needless.

Depending on the personality and the type of situation causing the anxiety, any of the following may be useful on a temporary basis:

• Reassurance of another person’s support
  


• Attractive distraction
  


• Talking to a good friend, minister of religion or experienced counsellor. Being with the person and getting them to talk about it can relieve some of the anxiety at the time even if the listener cannot offer any useful input.
  


• Meditation
  


• Constructive humour
  


• Meaningful work and involvement
  

These can be useful particularly when the situation is likely to be temporary, or the anxiety about it passes through acute phases in which desperation can set in.

To be supportive, one must take an interest, try to understand and empathise but not commiserate, judge or criticise.

General Advice and Observations

Worry and fear are related. Fear fogs up the brain and cripples the ability of the mind to consider a situation rationally while responsible concern sharpens it. Proper concern should start long before the problem becomes a desperate situation.

When dealing with daunting projects, the time to be a constructive pessimist is during the planning and preparation phase. In this way, we adopt the most responsible orientation and minimise the number of things that might cause us anxiety later when we are already committed. When taking the first irrevocable step, we must become realists: we check that the conditions are favourable, get started and continue to take each situation as it is. Having become committed, we should become optimists regarding the outcome. Usually the most intense worrying occurs just before we get started.

The tendency to worry varies throughout a person’s life. Small children who are well cared for tend to worry very little. Teenagers are much more vulnerable and are known to have among the highest suicide rates. Part of this may be due to a rapidly expanding sensitivity without having developed sufficient resilience including the practical abilities and experience to cope with normal adversities. The elderly have the most extensive experience, but personality and loss of physical and mental robustness can make them increasingly vulnerable, and the tendency to worry may again increase. It is also true that at different stages of their lives people tend to worry about different things.

Something even greater to worry about often makes the original situation pale in significance. This cannot be artificially provided, nor should it be, but if it occurs naturally it may cure the original worry and paradoxically improve the overall state of mind.

We are willing to go to great lengths and spend lots of money to set our minds at ease. The security, insurance and health-related industries thrive on this. Much of the expenditure is needlessly wasted when some elementary low cost precautions would be more effective and leave more resources available to cope with the occasional emergencies that do arise.

Conclusion

It is interesting that we are very future oriented beings. All planning and decision making is about the future. Worry is also almost entirely about the future, but more often than not, things turn out different from how they are imagined or anticipated. A person should look ahead, think ahead, plan ahead but never worry ahead. To quote an old proverb: ‘Don’t be anxious about tomorrow; let tomorrow be anxious for itself; sufficient for each day are its own troubles.’ Nevertheless, if we have become caught up in the worrying frame of mind for whatever reason, there is much that can be done constructively to break the pattern or at least diminish the intensity in the given situation.

"Viewpoints"
©Carl Jacob

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